Part 1, How should Christians Fight?

When was the last time you offended someone or disagreed with them or were hurt by something they did? It happens all the time. And often times it can lead to a deeply damaged or broken relationship. But it doesn’t have to end that way. The good news is that God is forming a new community of people who don’t settle for disunity. It doesn’t mean we will always agree or never offend…it does mean that we must have the courage to handle or disagreements wisely.

So the Big Question I want to answer is, How do we handle our disagreements Christianly?…meaning, in a manner that confesses we are a gospel-centered community and reflects that we have been supernaturally transformed by the Spirit of God.

I do not suggest that these posts will be exhaustive, rather they will reflect some of my recent thoughts on the subject. You in fact my have some reflections or questions that might add the discussion, if so I invite your engagement.

But in my mind the first question that must be answered is Why even Bother?

In the house I grew up in there was little conflict or open disagreement and so my own natural tendency is to avoid conflict and suppress disagreement. But shortly after my wedding (a happy 6 years ago) I learned that such an attitude is not an environment for healthy relationships. Similarly in the organism of the local church, our very health as a body demands that we deal with our differences and disagreements. I don’t want to jump into the how just yet, but here are some reasons why.

We are members of one another. The NT explains that the church is like a body (Rom 9; 1 Cor 12; Eph 4). That shows that we are all different and distinct in our role or function, yet we are unified in our purpose and place. God has designed us to be connected to one another, like it or not. Consider Romans 12:5

”so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.”

We have been joined in Christ to one another. That means that we have responsibility to one another. We are accountable to one another. We are responsible to one another. Our actions and our words affect one another. We must not think that our actions do not affect others, they in fact affect the whole body. Disagreement breaks up the harmony of the body and must be addressed.

Dissension affects our Worship. In other words God cares about our reconciliation. Our relationships with one another can affect our relationship with God. If we have disharmony with one another then God wants us to deal with that before we go about our public worship. Jesus even encourages us to go get right with or brother, if we have offended them before we bring our gifts to God (Matt 5:23). That means go apologize or ask forgiveness or acknowledge your part in the offense and seek reconciliation.

Dissension affects our Witness. The church as the “body of Christ” is the place where the gospel is incarnated or “lived out” for the world to see. Part of our witness to the fact that we have switched our allegiance to Jesus as Lord is how we as a new community exist in a way that is according to the Spirit and not the flesh. For example, that means when “outsiders” see how we handle our disagreements, they will see such a difference that they are drawn to the Lord to whom we witness (Matt 5:16). When our body breaks down… when the community is in controversy…our witness is a community is cloudy.

I remember one experience while being involved in a Christian leadership team on my college campus. I had the horrible habit of being late to every meeting (a habit that my wife has nearly reformed me). At one particular meeting I strolled in late and was rebuked by one of the members at how my behavior was negatively affecting the attitude of the group. It communicated a selfishness and laziness on my part and showed disrespect for the other members of the team. I was initially embarrassed and hurt, but soon realized that they were right and worked to improve in that area of my life.

Do you have some good or bad stories about dealing with disagreements or personal offenses?