Reflecting on Fatherlessness

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes - 5x the average.
• 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from father homes - 20x the avg.
• 80% of rapist with anger problems come from fatherless homes - 14x the avg.
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes - 9x the avg.
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers com from fatherless homes - 10x the avg.
• 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes - 9x the avg.
• 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes - 20x the avg.

*taken from "To Own A Dragon"

Fathers make a difference...for good. Fatherlessness is a quiet killer wounding the souls of young men day after day. Who better to know than Don Miller, popular bohemian Christian author and himself the product of a fatherless home. Due to his mom's influence, his church and some other great men in his life Don has a good story to tell...and his recent book "To own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father" is chock full of fatherly wisdom bubbling up from a Son. I have a Dad and I am a Dad...but Don's witty, honest and sagely words taught me a thing or two.

Don writes in a conversational style and tells more stories and asks more questions than you typical self-help or Christian self-help read. The first chapter had me laughing out loud it was so funny! Whether you are wondering how to be father your son or are struggling to deal with issues related to your own imperfect father, this book will frame some questions that are helpful to consider. He's not afraid to open up his soul with statements like "I realized I was operating out of a feeling of inferiority. Deep inside, I believed life was for other people."

I liked his analogy on page 27, as he shared what he needed from a Father: People assume when you are swimming in a river you are supposed to kow which way you are going, and I guess some of the time that is true, but there are certain currents that are very strong, and it's when we are in those currents we need somebody to come along, pull us out, and guide us in a safer direction.

Manhood or what Miller refers to as "the knowing" is something deep within boys that is awakened by fathers. "The knowing" connects the dots for their identity, spirituality, decision making, work ethic, sexuality, integrity, etc. The good news, and Miller concurs, is that what our earthly fathers messed up our heavenly father can set right. Let's work on those statistics and call men to be fathers by being fathers.

Faith of our Fathers

This weekend I somehow found the way to read a delightful little book by Chris Seay called "Faith of our Fathers." The book was a creatively packaged conversation between three generations of pastors. Seay sat down with his grandfather, dad and his two brothers (one brother Robbie is an up and coming indie Christian rocker) to talk about the church, family and being pastors.

The church is definitely a-changin' and this book was a pretty good reflection of the changes in mindset and passion among the younger generation of church planters. This was a family discussion, as in they were actually related, but also in that they reflected how different generations of the church should and could discuss and disagree. You name it, they discussed it: music, depression, inerrancy, essentials of the faith, social justice, abortion, Jim Dobson, segregation, homosexuals, politics and the gospel.

They did not always agree, yet they agreed more than I thought they might. If you have ever disagreed with older Christians on their view of the church and it's role in society this book may help you to see them in a different light and to realize that disagreement and discussion are OK within the church.

Facing the Giants

This Friday, 9/29, a little known film "Facing the Giants" will be released in selected theatres around the country. It is a story about the football coach of a small private school who is known for losing and who finds out his wife is infertile and that some parents want him fired. He finds some way to inspire his team to turn around their ways and they find something within themselves to band together and make a run at the state playoffs. The twist is that the coach is a Christian. So despite the PG rating the film is explicitly Christian in content.

Here are some comments by Jason McLeod, who plays the role of Brock Kelley, the Eagles' defensive leader:

"When I look back on all the things that have come with the movie, whether it be pre-shooting, being on the set while filming, or the process that has taken place after shooting leading up to the premiere, it has just been an incredible journey. I have grown so much spiritually over the past two years and God has used FACING THE GIANTS in a major way."

"From connecting with Brock's character to watching God on and off set do things in His timing and make ends meet when there was no possible way. Going through some tough times and learning to 'Let Go and Let God' have His way in my life and knowing through my experience that He truly IS able to do exceedingly abundantly more that we could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20)! When this is all said and done, I don't want my face or name remembered, but what God did!"

The film appears to be quite family friendly, so it has that going for it. But how will it be received by film-goers. Will it's explicit Christian characters turn-them away before they hit the doors? Would you want to see this film? Would you take a friend who is not a Christian? Will this present the real struggles of life which give credibility to the struggle to follow Christ or will it be another candy-coated us-versus-them Christian product which becomes another reason people avoid church? I guess we'll find out this weekend. If you see it, I'd love your thoughts and those of your unchurched friends.

Prayer & Desire

"True prayer is only another name for the love of God. Its excellence does not consist in the multitude of our words: for our Father knoweth what things we have need of before we ask Him. The true prayer is that of the heart, and the heart prays only for what it desires. To pray, then, is to desire - but to desire what God would have us desire. He who asks what he does not from the bottom of his heart desire is mistaken in thinking that he prays. Let him spend days in reciting prayers, in mediation or in inciting himself to pious exercises: he prays not once truly if he really desires not the things he pretends to ask. O! How few there are who pray! For how few are they who desire what is truly good!"
Francois Fenelon, (1651-1715)

Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

You do not have, because you do not ask.
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly,
James 4:2-3

Confessions

What do you do when you've got 22 hours to waste on a plane flying around the world? I read...so here's a sample from one of my vacation reads. "Confessions" is Driscoll's second book (following up Radical Reformission). Driscoll is the lead pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA. Mark's books are full of brutal honesty, biting sarcasm, biblical commitment and missional focus, and Confessions is no exception.

This book recounts the story of how Mars Hill Church grew from a rag tag group of 12 to its current 3,000 members over the past 10 years. He's a young guy in his early 30s who is beyond his years in pastoral experience and biblical literacy. I enjoyed the honesty with which he shared the difficulties, temptations and mistakes. I was also challenged by his commitment to prayer, the Bible and the mission of his church. He is an emerging leader worth reading.

Dan Kimball, author of The Emerging Church said...
"After reading a book like this, you can never go back to being an inwardly focused church without a mission. Even if you disagree with Mark about some of the things he says, you cannot help but be convicted to the inner core about what it means to have a heart for those who donÂ’t know Jesus."

Here's an excerpt from the last pages of the book entitled More Pruning
"It is my deepest desire to be fruitful for Jesus. And according to his frequent kingdom parables, fruit comes not simply by growing but by his strategic pruning. Jesus prunes us through hardships, suffering, failure, loss, discipline, and pain. I have found Jesus' pruning of my life, marriage, family, and church to be incredibly painful, but it always results in bigger, sweeter, and greater fruit. Some pruning has been so overwhelming that I did not know if I could endure it and even questioned the goodnessess of God despite my knowledge of Scripture, which led to bouts of despair and anger."

We're Back

Bonjour and Buonjourno. If you couldn't tell from my previous post about our vacation, my wife and I went to the Mediteranean coastline of France and Italy. It was beautiful and sunny and quite tiring, but well worth it. We had time to read, play, reflect on our life and talk about what God is teaching us. And here are a few of my reflections:

People are different: The first thing we noticed was our differences from the French & Italians. They dressed nice, but different. They talk different, almost like another language. They work different hours (only 35 hours a week I hear). They have different priorities (like Italian shops would close down from 11-4 for a siesta). They travel differently. You just realize that life is different and you don't quite fit in.

People are the same: But in spite of our difference, people are the same. They love their families. They like to play. They laugh and joke and have misperceptions in about people in other countries. They hate and love and are friendly. People are people.

People matter: We noticed that after 24 hours in Italy, a time when we really struggled with the language difference we began to feel isolated and alone. Here we were walking around this beautiful beach town and we felt alone. We were longing for someone to talk to, or to hear a conversation that we understood. So Christine's reaction was to listen for English then run up to the people and ask them where they were from. One of my strongest memories from the trip were the people that we met and "befriended" on trains or in restaurants. There was Tom & Hannah the Australian university students. There was Simon & Judy the New Zealanders living in Scotland. There was the 52 year old Seattle doctor traveling Europe for 3 months with is 19 year old son Max. There was Darin and Krysa from Santa Monica celebrating the pregnancy of their first child. These becameour European friends...because people matter.

Some people matter more: But our hearts ached a bit because we left our two young boys behind. Caden, 3 1/2, and Griffin, just 2, were a regular topic of our conversation. We realized how much our lives had changed since they came along and we often wondered how they would react to certain situations in which we found ourselves. It was great to get away, but there is nothing like coming home, especially when you are showered with hugs and kisses from your boys.

How's your Vision

Last night at 727 we did eye exams at our vision night. Some of us will be wearing coke bottle glasses for a while due to excessive TV watching, especially those who TiVo Desperate Housewives and Greys Anatomy. Well not exactly, but we did talk about vision. So how's yours?

You know in the church we often become near-sighted, losing focus from our mission, and become concerned only in US and WE. So last night we stepped back and asked ourselves 3 questions.

Who are we? That is who is 727? What we are clarifying is our IDENTITY. And here is what I suggested. 727 is a place for 20somethings to experience the TRUTH of Christ the MEANING of life and the BEAUTY of community. We are targeting a specific group of people, yet we are open, always welcoming more into our midst.

Why do we exist? That is what are we about? Here we are clarifying our MISSION. This isn't rocket science, it is quite simple. Our mission is to be Christ’s witnesses to young adults in word & deed. This really is the misson of the church (Acts 1:8), yet we focus on doing this among young adults in west Columbus. It is important that 727 is not just a break from the real world or a youth group for 20-somethings. We does exist for us, we actually exist for those not yet in our group. 727 is not about who we need to keep it is about who we need to reach.

How do we do that? We are really trying to figure out what we should do and what should we not do? This helps to clarify our STRATEGY. And here is where I have pointed us to be about creating irresistible environments and strategic steps. We will create two environments: a gathered worship event and home-based small groups. We will utilize two steps to get people into these steps: the Taste of 727 (sunday lunch) and Area Fellowships (social events). Our strategy will always be in flux depending on the degree of success in relation to our mission.

It all looks great on paper but really it boils down to people investing in people. It is about people investing in others and inviting them to receive good news. It is about people getting on board leading worship, leading small groups, running outward friendly social events and then getting their friends involved. It is about missional living...being on mission. Don't sit by and watch, let's get started.

Our Amazing Race

Today I will kiss my two beautiful boys goodbye and place them into their Grandma's arms, then I will wrap my arms around my tearful wife and we will board a plane together to go away. "They'll be ok" I'll say and I'll wipe her crocodile tears away with my sleeve. That's one of the reasons I married her, because of her tender heart... and I think she's beautiful when she cries.

We will board a plane and go far away, just the two of us for about nine days. Where are we going...to that place. A place where they speak a different language, eat different food and cheer about different sports. We've scraped our pennies together over the years and the stars have lined up so that we can go and adventure together.

We've often watched the Amazing Race and wondered how well we would do...actually we wondered how poorly we would do. We love each other, but we both find different ways to drive to the bank...so traveling around the world is a whole other story. But we will go and adventure. We will reconnect, relax and rekindle the joy of just being together.

I might share a picture while we are away, but if things are really going well...you may not hear from me for 10 days. Ciao!

Akeelah's BEE is too much

Christine and I watched the Starbucks Entertainment film “Akeelah and the Bee” over the weekend. And I must say that it is the feel good, family flick of the year. We both held back tears at numerous times. The inspiring story of a young black girl from the rough part of South Central LA who lost her dad to an early death and struggles to spell her way (literally) out of a negative neighborhood and struggling school by entering a world controlled by rich white suburban kids and international homeschoolers… really struck a chord.

I would highly commend the film to all.

But I was left wrestling with a few questions. Are people good or bad? And what must happen to bring out the goodness in people?

My own contention is that people are largely selfish and generally are prone to tear others down. And in general when others are prospering or excelling the natural tendency is to work against them or lash out at them in order to overcome feelings of inferiority. While there is a spark of goodness in people it is not awakened until there is some terrible tragedy like 9/11 for instance. In the wake of this close-to-home but other-focused terror, people are more willing to stoop to help those in need.

But the storyline, of Akeelah swims against this stream. Akeelah is surrounded by negative, destructive, angry people. And as she seeks to rise above her situation and achieve something, these selfish people lose themselves in the task of helping her achieve. Her angry mom, turns into her number one fan. Her depreciating brother helps her do something he can’t. Even the local gangster turns into a nice guy confessing he once wrote a poem and the helps her train for the competition.

But where do these people find the resources to give selflessly with no personal gain to be seen? My question is an anthropological one. Is it possible that people like Akeelah, who simply set out to do something as simple as win a spelling bee, can change a community? I wish I could say yes, but I think a transformed community is a collection of transformed hearts. And I don’t think the story honestly deals with the type of heart transformation necessary for those around her not only to cheer her on but to willingly participate in her success. I think people are generally too selfish, because I know myself and I’m too selfish.

Don’t get me wrong. I was inspired. I even want to pick up a dictionary and learn a new word. I can’t wait for the next spelling bee to be on ESPN. But changed communities require heart transplants. We must die to our selfishness before we can live selflessly.

Birthdays, Chuck E. Cheese & Mentors

Griffin turned 2 this past weekend and we partied it up. As the second boy in our family he tends to play second fiddle to his big brother and as much as we tried to push him to the front, he comfortable slid in behind his brother. So Caden led the way in unwrapping the gifts…and Griffey was fine with it. Caden would pick the toy he wanted to play with…and Griffey was fine with it.

It’s not that Caden doesn’t love Griffey, he’s just used to leading the way. In fact the night before the party we heard Caden singing himself to sleep, and do you know what he was singing? ....“Happy Birthday to Griffey…” Yep he sang it through twice before he faded off to dreamland.

But when we took the boys to Chuck E. Cheese a new Griffin emerged…a riskier…more confident…more daring Griffin. It all happened when the guy in the Chuck E. costume comes out to visit the Birthday kids. Caden at 3 ½ is weirded out by the 6 foot rat and runs the other way…he will not go within 10 feet of the towering rodent.

But Griffin can’t get enough of Chuck E. He stood in front of a crowded room dancing with him… he gave him countless hugs… he high-fived him until his hands were red… and climbed up in his lap like he was Santa Claus. I’m not sure what was running through his 2 year old mind, but his admiration for this larger than life mouse moves my son to action.

I go in to check on my sons every night after they are asleep and I often whisper a prayer or speak a blessing over them. I regularly pray that they will choose good friends and wise counselors. I want to be my boys’ hero, but at some point I know that other men will wear that label for them too. So I pray they choose good heroes.

Some guys are fakes dressed up in costumes and I want them run for the hills…like Caden treats Chuck E. But others wear wisdom like a comfortable bathrobe. Their words are sound and their actions are full of integrity. So I hope my boys will climb up into the lap of those types of heroes like Griffin responds to Chuck E.