I have to enter the pastor’s confessional today and share that I struggle to respond with patience and kindness when I feel wronged. And when I look at my life the people closest to me are the most likely targets to get hit by the shrapnel. So here is my short list of my top targets for revenge. And before you continue on and conclude that I am an arrogant jerk… let me just wave the white flag and say “you are right… that is why I need God’s mercy… so that His mercy can fill me up and relieve me from my need to justify myself.
My wife: I love my wife. She is the closest to me and has the most control of my heart and therefore can hurt me the most, even if unintentionally. So here is how it looks. If I have a crazy dream or idea that I share with her and I perceive that her response is not as supportive as I desire, then I can be hurt. If I hold onto that pain and blame it on her lack of support I can choose to withhold future support from her at a time that I think I can even the score. This is a poisonous way to live… but I’ve been there and still face this temptation.
My kids: I love my kids. But even they can do things that let me down or irritate me. We are constantly working on obedience with our kids. And if I am really irritated or even embarrassed by a recent meltdown I can seek my revenge by enacting an unnecessarily steep punishment. Since I am bigger and louder and stronger I can actually bully my kids to appease my own anger. It is so easy to do. I must check myself every time I discipline them.
My co-workers: Now I’m a pastor and I work at a church. But that does not insulate me from feeling hurt or let down by some decisions in the office. And this can lead me to seek get my revenge… even on someone else in the office. So I can withhold my support or my encouragement from some project they are working on. I can avoid them and not continue to grow a relationship with them. Ultimately these are self-justifying reactions.
My opponents: The easiest person for me to seek revenge on is those who voice their disagreement or disapproval for things I am doing. But it’s really more than that… the people I’m talking about are just those who are against me and what I am trying to do. Now I never intend to do anything to offend or hurt someone… but it happens. I’ll get a comment, or an e-mail, or a letter… and my blood pressure rises and my defensiveness kicks in. I so bad want to dump the truck on these people to share how narrow their view is and to show how I’m keeping the bigger picture in view… but will that really help? We all have opponents, but that doesn’t justify revenge.
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