Part 4, Approaching Humbly

If you are considering approaching someone because you disagree with something they have done or said, approach humbly. What I mean is check your motive. Check your heart. For the motives that reside deep in your heart must first be addressed by you before you are ready to approach them. In James 3 (13-17) we see a negative to avoid and a positive to strive for.

If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. (James 3:14)

Are you struggling with bitterness toward this person? That might mean you have let past small issues well up inside you and you have walled them off in your heart. Are you feeling jealousy towards that person? If you can’t go up and sincerely praise them or encourage them, then you might have a jealousy problem. Is there something you are trying to personally gain from by confronting this person? If you hope to win something while they lose something in this process, you might have a selfish ambition. Confess these feelings and repent of them before proceeding.

Wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. (James 3:17)

Here is the litmus test for a humble approach. Such an approach is wise and pleasing in God’s eyes. It is open to reason which is seeking first to understand the person before bashing them over the head with your correction. It is possible that you misunderstand them and by engaging in a conversation you are open to be persuaded by the facts and better understand their position. A humble approach is full of mercy, holding back what you think they deserve, it seeks peace which heals the relationship and is gentle not abusive.

If you must approach someone, thinking that you see the situation clearly, do it with wisdom from above. Pray for a right heart and confess any bitterness, jealousy or selfish ambition. Ask God to fill you with mercy and gentleness and first seek to understand by asking questions and listening then engaging them in discussion.

Here are a few questions to consider starting such a conversation:
Why did you do/say xxxxxx ?
What did you intend when you did/said xxxxxx ?
Were you aware that your action/words could have xxxxxx effect?