Part 6, Talking Directly

Sorry for the delay in this final post. Here's are my other thoughts on Christian Conflict:
Part 1, How should Christians Fight?
Part 2, The two R's of Christian Conflict
Part 3, Seeing Clearly
Part 4, Approaching Humbly
Part 5, Speaking Cautiously

One of the simplest guidelines in this matter of resolving our disagreements often becomes the most difficult and therefore the most neglected. Sitting down and talking directly face-to-face with the person involved. For some reason this is a fearful thing for us to consider. It takes real courage to look someone in the face and say “you hurt me” or “you offended me” or “I think what you did or said was wrong.”

It is much easier for us type out an e-mail, hit the send button and then hide behind our computers. I have received e-mails from people that should have never been sent. Sometimes the e-mails don’t even go to me, but to others about me. What’s up with that?

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. (Matthew 18:15)

If you truly want to gain your brother do him the honor of approaching him face-to-face. When you do this you have the chance to dialogue with him, to discuss the situation. To hear him out and be heard. Truth resides in dialogue. If you fire off an e-mail or leave a voicemail there is no opportunity for brother-gaining discussion.

Paul even did this when he had an issue with Peter’s apparent hypocrisy in Antioch. Paul did fire off another letter to Peter, he opposed him to his face (Gal 2:9). At issue was the affect that Peter’s choices might be having on the Gentile believers. Paul was afraid that some believers might be led astray, so he told him to his face, and it appears that he gained his brother. So if you are tempted to fire off that nasty-gram, like I am every so often. Hit the delete button and take them out for a cup of coffee. You might pick up the tab, but you also might gain your brother.

The goal of our conflict should be restoration and reconciliation. And this is only possible to restore broken relationships through face to face interaction. Then you can see the body language, the facial expression, hear the tone in the voice and ask questions. Understanding one another requires lots of questioning and probing all of which is impossible through letters or e-mails. Often times that type of communication only inserts other hurts and misunderstanding into the situation. Direct communication while sometimes difficult is the sole path by which restoration is possible. No other road leads to a restored relationship other than direct conversation.