Is he that into you?

I couldn’t sleep last night and at 1:30am was flipping through the 6 TV channels that I get on my TV. As I often do late at night I settled on the DayStar Network which is a Christian station and in my opinion is a mix of weirdo tele-evangelists sprinkled with a few normal people. Beth Moore (who is one of the normal ones) happened to be on. She was teaching to a room full of woman and just happened to read a couple of excerpts from the book He’s Just Not That into You.

Have you heard of this book? I can’t stop hearing about it. It is written in part by comedian and former “Sex in the City” writer Greg Behrendt. I’ve even seen him with his own Dr. Phil style show on GTN. The book has been highlighted on the Oprah Show, in the USA Today, and by John Stossel on ABC News.

I haven’t read the book and probably won’t but I did watch the Oprah episode with my wife. In it he advises single woman of the many devices that men use to string them along as “friends with benefits” or “booty calls” while leaving the women hoping for more. On the flip side he challenges woman to step up their own self-respect and not be strung along by such men, by facing the truth that the guy “is just not that into you.”

When I saw that Beth Moore was preaching the same message I just couldn’t hold back comment. To quote her exactly she said “I’m not recommending the book and I’m not not recommending the book.” I guess that’s the way Christians give props to non-Christians who come up with a good well to tell God’s truth.

If his book frees a woman from settling for one bad relationship after another and waiting for a man who will love her and lead her sacrificially…that sounds a lot like what Jesus would be for. The Bible even has some pretty darn good advice about relationships, like here, here and here. But I’m not recommending the book and I’m not not recommending it.

King and Queen

In a singles ministry like 727, some people like to come and take a peek to see how many hotties are at our events... I know how it works. Well at our recent Red Carpet Costume Party they were coming out of the woodwork. I'd put our crowd up against Oscar crowd any day. Since I can't show all the pics, I thought I'd crown a Prom King and Prom Queen. The competition was tight. We had Mary Poppins, Justin Timberlake, Madona, Whoopi Goldberg, Superman, Bikers, Chris Daughtry, Sandra Dee and more. But the crowns go to.....

The King of the party....ladies we have a true stud in our midst.
























And the Queen gets her crown....any takers?



















See the rest of the party here.

UPCLOSE with Peep & Anna

My good friends from Estonia, Peep & Anaa Saar, stopped by our house last night to hang with our 727 crowd and update us on what is going on with them. Back in March about 12 of us from Northwest and 727 went over to help with their English Camp, what they call "The Best Week of the Year." At the bottom of this post I have links to my chronicles of our 2006 English Camp trip. Everytime I hear them share about what God is doing in Estonia it fires me up. Some have asked how they can learn more about their ministry, so here it is. We will probably take anothehr group in March 2007, so you can get in on the fun too!

Going UP is Blowing Up
These outreach events target highschool students called Going UP are as strong as ever. Peep commented that their September event on "Choices" was probably the best one they had ever done. Find out more at goingup.ee.

A New Church
Last Sunday they had their first public service for Ristee (meaing Crossroads) Church which is "A church for others, a home for everyone". They are truly church planting pioneers in Estonia. Find out more at risttee.ee.

Growing Family
Peep & Anna are expecting their first child on March 5, 2007. You can keep an eye on the family at their blog: http://www.tagahoov.ee/peepanna/

2006 English Camp Chronicles
Estonia Here we come...
Stockholm we've arrived....
The Eagle has Landed
Touring Tartu
Dinner at Craig & Reena's
Two very different Church Services
The seeds have been planted
Cory is GOING UP
Meet Small Group #7
Don't judge a book by it's cover...
Day in Tartu provides ministry opportunities
Postmodern Pastor
Feedback

Trading Spaces

If you could be anyone else for a day who would you be? A simple and a fun question to ponder. On different days we might trade skin or bank accounts or houses or jobs or wives with a number of different people. On our really good days we might not wish to trade with anyone. On other days…like when you have a really horrible fight with your wife…or when you get publicly humiliated… we would trade with just about anyone. Maybe that is where Halloween came from.

I tend to think about that a lot... that is... about what other people have and what I don’t have. So when I listened to Rob Bell’s message “What is it to you?” last Thursday, I had to catch my breath afterwards, it hit home that much. In his funny, somewhat sarcastic, narrative style he drove home the problem with the tendency we have to envy our neighbors or covet their lives. He basically unpacked John 21:19-21…

After he said this, Jesus told Peter, "Follow me." 20 Peter turned around and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them… 21 So when Peter saw him, he asked Jesus, "Lord, what about him?"

The title of the message comes from Jesus response in verse 22, where he responds “What is that to you?” It seems that even Peter was at times more worried about God’s plan for someone else than what God had in store for him. I can just imagine when I’m looking at someone’s life and I’m thinking, God what does he have that I don’t….Jesus saying to me “What is it to you?” For me it’s a wake-up call to turn my eyes back on my rabbi, Jesus, to be more like him and in that pursuit I will be more comfortable in my own skin.

We all covet something different. For the single folks its having a spouse. For the kidless folks its having a kid. For the overworked and underpaid its having a better paycheck. For the disenfranchised its power. For the street-smart its book-smarts. It's that tendency to think, boy God what I could do for you if I had what that guy/girl/church had.

If you need to hear Jesus say to you “What is it to you” when you look at others let me introduce you to Rob Bell. To hear this message search Rob Bell on iTunes podcasts and listen to “What is it to you?” (9/3/2006) or download that message here. Rob Bell is downloaded 50,000 times a week and his Nooma films have a cult following.

When Boobie lost his salvation

I love sports movies based on real stories. I’m not always the best at figuring out the line between the “based on” part and the “real” part, but I guess for the entertainment value I’m not especially looking for the boring truth but more the exciting “based on” truth. Well my choice this past Friday night of Friday Night Lights was no let down. It was the story of a 1988 West Texas football team in their quest to be state championships.

The story line that caught my eye was that of star fullback James “Boobie” Miles. He is a cocky loud-mouthed leader who is the heart of his team. His life is football and his future looks bright. But near the end of the first game of the season he severely hurts his knee. And his life will never be the same…some might say his life ended. Football was his savior which would lift him out of the despair of being stuck in Odessa, Texas for the rest of his life. And when he lost the ability to play football, he lost his salvation.

So I wondered is this “based on” or is this “real”. So I clicked through the extra DVD features and found the “The Story of the 1988 Permian Panthers”. The clip confirmed that Boobie was cocky, he was good and he did hurt his knee ending his football playing career. The interview with the real Boobie showed that he is a nice fun loving guy, but that he has wondered how his life would have been different if the injury had not happened. It might even eat him up at times, because football was his savior.

In the story Boobie reflected on his injury… “I guess God had something else for me. Maybe I would not have my twins I guess. Maybe I would not be as good of a Dad as I am I guess. I look at it like that. Keeps me from going crazy. You dig what I’m saying.”

Football was Boobies life, it was the way he spoke, the way he expressed himself and one day that life was snatched away from him. That could happen to any of us. In an instant our lives could be forever changed our “saviors” could be ripped from us. Maybe that is why Jesus offers the comfort of security in the life he can provide as a savior. Because he knows that other things won’t really save us. Football is a good way of life but it can be snatched. Jesus is a better way of life, because he can't be lost.

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. John 10:28

“Jesus” on Temptation

I recently came across some tips for novice poker players. I’m not much of a poker player but if I were I would definitely qualify as a novice. The tips were offered by Chris Ferguson a professional poker player whose nickname is “Jesus” because of his trademark long brown hair. He knows a thing or two about poker because as of 2006 he has racked up $5.7 mil in winnings.

But the closer I looked at his poker tips, the more they looked like a Christian’s guide to dealing with temptation.

Respect Your Opponent
…the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8b

Good advice huh?! The devil is prowling; he is against us and desires to trip us up and to turn our hearts away from Christ. He hangs counterfeits in front of us all day long to get us to sell out and settle for a dollar store alternative. He doesn’t take days off and doesn’t go to sleep at 8pm. He is not as powerful as God (1 John 4:4), but is a formidable opponent to the Spirit’s work in our lives (Phil 1:6).

Always Pay Attention
Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy… 1 Peter 5:8a

On point again. Can you say A-L-W-A-Y-S.? To quote Charlie Hall, “this world is broken yet beautifully made”. The brokenness is the crack that the Devil uses to divert our eyes off the path of righteousness. The spiritual pilgrimage that we travel until the consummation of our hope (Titus 2:13) is a path littered with dangerous perils. We must Stay Alert.

Never Bet Your Medium-Strength Hands
Okay this one doesn’t really apply to temptation, but I’m sure it is a great poker tip.

Mortality is Relevant

I received my Nov/Dec issue of Relevant Magazine on Tuesday and poured through it that night on the couch. It is very cool (which I am not) and is full of music reviews (most of which I've never heard of) but I love the angle. Generally Relevant attempts to push practical theological issues that will resonate with young single adults. And it appears that this new generation is much more contemplative than I ever was when I was stumbling through college and into real life. I guess I'm trying to make up for lost time these days.

In the FIRST WORD, Cameron Strang, was contemplating the Big M - mortality. And posing the question what if today were your last... what would you do. He says,

"We're here only for a short time. We each need to make a difference and have lives of importance and passion. We need to live today like its' our last - with no regrets - because, after all, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow."

So if I had 24 hours to live here is what I would do:
1. Spend the whole time with my wife and kids.
2. Give all my stuff away to people who needed it.
3. Tell some close neighbors, friends and family members about Jesus, clearly, compassionately and for the last time.

And here are a few things I wouldn't do:
1. Workout (unless it was with my wife & kids)
2. Watch TV

Is God a Delusion?

I've never seen the Comedy Central show the Colbert Report before, maybe because I don't have cable TV. But when I came across this clip where Colbert goes toe-to-toe with militant atheist Richard Dawkins about his recently published The God Delusion, I was intrigued.

After laughing on and off throughut this clip, I must say I appreciated Stephen Colberts counter-points and his humor. I desperately needed a laugh and didn't know a cross-fire discussion with an atheist would do the trick. For a better understanding of Intelligent Design (but sadly less funny) I'd recommend Michael Behe's Darwin's Black Box.

Crazy about community

I’ve been studying the first century Jewish practice of discipleship lately, so that… like… when… like… Jesus said… like “go make disciples”, I… like… know what the heck he is talking about! And one of the things that it meant is a radical commitment to community. I came across the idea that to a disciple…the community is more important that the individual. That idea sure ups the ante on Jesus invitation to “Come, follow me”, doesn’t it. And it sure makes a little more sense why he would put commitment to discipleship above love of family (Luke 14:26). Jesus was crazy about community.

Now let’s try to put this into the context local church small groups, probably the churches best parallel to band-of-brothers type of discipleship community. On the spectrum of responses that people give to the suggestion that they should be committed to a small group here are three common ones I have seen:

It’s too unsafe: These folks love independence and distance, that way no one gets into their lives and exposes weaknesses or needs. To these folks church is a spectator sport and spirituality is a private thing. They will come to Christ as long as it doesn’t involve getting too close to his people. They don’t buy into community.

It’s too much: These folks buy into community but mainly when it is convenient. When work gets busy, family comes in town or they just aren’t feeling it they bail. They see value in community but when their personal lives need some attention it is adios to the small group. When push comes to shove the individual is more important than the community.

It’s too critical: This crowd doesn’t just buy community; they fry it up and eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They say, it is too critical to my spiritual health for me not to be committed to my church or small group. They place such a value on their community that they schedule life, pleasure and even work around this commitment. They are absolutely crazy about community.

If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison-- your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters-- yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26

I bounce around between these responses throughout my year. Sometimes I am tired and stressed and don’t want to take the risk of building community with others. These are the days when I just lay around on the weekends watching football. Other times I try it and I just don't click with anybody and it feels fake. Then sometimes I find the sweet spot of Christian community and pass the mash potatoes because I’m gonna feast on this as long as I can.

Another Reason to Join a Small Group

So you don't do as many stupid things.

Did you hear this latest gem of news, Mike Tyson is thinking about fighting women. Not that this would be the first of Mike Tyson's "against-better-judgment" decisions, but you wonder what goes through his mind before uttering such things.

In an article on yahoo sports Tyson reportedly referred to prominent female boxer Ann Wolfe as a possible opponent in recent press conference. He said...

"She's such a prominent, dominant woman in the boxing field."

When asked if he was joking about fighting women, Tyson said, "I'm very serious."

And this is yet another glaring example of why we need a small group. To talk some stinking sense into us. We've all made bonehead decisions, but I bet most of those decisions weren't run by our trusted mentors or faithful accountability partners before we went public. Commit to a small group of people who will speak the truth to you in love and more than likely you will not end up calling women out for a fight.

Does size matter?

Have you ever been bit by the Bigness Bug?
In our minds we often equate BIGness with success . Others equate BIGness with badness, as in God doesn't like big things. I'm not saying either one, in fact that type of thinking drives me crazy. What bites me is when I start comparing my little things to others big things. It would be easy to be a hater on big things... but what really hits home with me is the obsessive desire to be BIG that leaves me frustrated when things are small. When you boil it down it is a desire for bigness.

I'm not sure when it happened in my life. Maybe when I reached full stature at 5' 2". Maybe its when I realized I would not be a millionaire by 30. But there has been a knawing desire to be a part of something big. And part of it is I think that bigger is better... not that I should, but deep down I think I do. But that can have a deviously wicked effect on the soul, especially in the area of contentment. So I regularly need to be reminded that "size doesn't matter" when it comes to God. Because BIGness envy affects more than men looking for greater sexual pleasure.

Here's how the bug bites me. I see how big things are out there and I look at how small they are in my world and I wonder why I am not as successful. In fact, you know what my most unproductive days have been? They are the days where I jump from web-site to web-site and blog to blog, ooohing and aaahhing over how big, slick and successful THEY are in comparison to how small and average my stuff is.

Since that is quite a depressing way to live I regularly need comfort and encouragement from voices which rebuke my tendency to fall into a "size matters" mentality. For example I recently came across this quote from Richard W. Shelley, Jr. ....

"A desire for bigness has hurt many folks... The secret of greatness rather than bigness is to acclimate oneself to one's place of service and be true to one's own convictions. A life of this kind of service will forever remain the measure of oneÂ’s true greatness."

Maybe a switch from bigness to greatness is a needed correction. I also found some solace in Bill Hybels work Courageous Leadership where he reminds leaders of Paul's words in the Bible to "fulfill your ministry" (2 Tim 4:5). He then goes on to say "Fulfill your ministry- nothing more, nothing less."

Those words are like a fresh spring breeze to my soul. It reminds me that greatness in God's eyes is doing my best at the task that he gave to me. For me that means being a leading and loving husband. It means fathering my two boys and launching them into life. It means building my identity upon who I am in Christ. And it means being the best singles pastor that I can be, no matter how big or small my ministry is.

You know I think size matters, but its not the size of your parts or your church or your business, but its the size of your faithfulness to do what God has asked you to do. Sleep well and don't let the BIG bugs bite.

Pride comes before a fall

All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:5-6

Kicking the Habit

I was reading through Don Millers “Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality” when I came across the following statement:

The devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God.

I have enjoyed reading Don Miller because of his humor, his humility and his casual tone. And when I first read this quote, I loved it, so I did what I always do with quotes that I love in books, I broke out the highlighter.

Here’s what I love about the statement. I find that habits can distract us…because most of us are so ADD and nearsighted that we tend to focus on the means and not the end. So if Don is saying that Christians can be so focused on quiet times and prayer times and church services and community service (all great things) we can sort of miss the point. As good as these things are they are THE point is they are just a means to an end…a relationship with God. There really is no joy in doing these things, unless we do them out of our engagement with the heart of God... And I’m as guilty as the next guy of falling into the “missing-the-point” mindset of habits for habits sake.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that habits are really the way that we do engage God. So I guess I’m disagreeing with Don. But I don’t so much mean habits in the abstract sense, like these disciplines or activities achieve some merit for us….I mean habits more in the relational sense…and relational habits allow us to engage God. Relationships require habits.

I think about the relational habits that allow me to connect with my wife. We tend to eat dinners together so that we can check up on the day. We like to watch Survivor & Dancing with the Stars together so that we can laugh and relax. We like to vacation together so that we can recharge our batteries. Without these habits and many others (including regular “I’m sorry”s and ‘You were right, I was wrongs”) our relationship breaks down.

In a similar way relational habits are necessary for us to walk in sync with God… relationally. We need to listen to him and talk to him…to understand his values and his view on things so that we can live as he lives…sort of like living in the light as he is in the light (1 John 1:5-7).

Relationships require loyalty: We get the sense from Scripture that God is regularly saying be as I am…not for us to earn his love…but to live in the realm of relationship with him. It is in the area of choices (or habits) that sin (or betrayal) and obedience (or loyalty) duke it out. In my habits I choose to betray or be loyal to my wife…similarly my habits display betrayal or loyalty to God…relationally (1 John 3:9). Now that is a habit worth being religious about.

Look on the Bright Side...

Do the situations and circumstances of life ever get you down? Me too. Sometimes it seems like our situation is pretty gloomy and we get in a real funk. Then we bump into someone who inspires us and lets us know that there are two sides to every story. Such is the story of Dick & Rick Hoyt...

Banner day for clay

Yesterday "Clay's World" got a small face-life with the release of my new banner. It was indeed a banner day for "Clay's World." But I must give a shout out to my good friend, Brendan Ringer, who did the dirty work. Brendan is the graphics guru who has helped me freshen up the look and feel of Clay's World. Without his help, I'd be wood (as we used to say in wrestling room).

And the banner gives a bit of the picture of the good life that God has given to me. The shot is taken at Lido Beach down in Sarasota, Florida...my family's favorite getaway. I am digging a big hole with my two boys and the shot is taken from my wife's viewpoint as she takes a break from sun bathing. When I think of rest and relaxation of time away from stress and time to recharge, this is the place I think of.

You know it reminds me of Psalm 23, where David writes, "The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. 3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name."

It is not just laying on the beach with my family that refreshes my soul...it is knowing that God has made the beach and invited me to enjoy it and enjoy him through it. The beach and the sun and the sand are my green meadows. The salty air that lifts the seagulls from the ground is his breath that sustains my very life. Many times he has renewed my strenght at Lido Beach as I dig with my boys and smile at my wife.

That's Creepy....

October brings thoughts of Halloween and that brings thoughts of creepy things. That is how The Barna Group (a Christian data collection agency) described the spirituality of 20-somethings....CREEPY. I might be wrong but I don't think they were suggesting that Christians in their 20's have had lobotomies or that they go through life like zombies, but I might be wrong.

I think what they were describing is the other type of creep, you know the type that happens to side of a creek. The dictionary describes this creep as "to slip or gradually shift position ".

Barna says that while teens embrace spirituality, disengagement...or creep... happens in their 20's. His data shows that 20% of twentysomethings remain active in their spirituality and 19% remain inactive in their spirituality. But the rest, 61% are those who were churched as teens but disengage during their twenties. Now that's creepy!

The facts are 20-somethings are leaving the church like its their job. Not all are leaving Christianity or "spirituality" but they are leaving the church. The reasons are piled high: college, jobs, individuality, rebellion, laziness, crappy churches and the list goes on.

But if you look at this Creepy situation from the other side (...it becomes Ypeerc) there is a great opportunity to take Christ to a large population of creeping 20somethings, who are not necessarily turned off to Christ or Church but are gradually slipping away from their teenage spirituality.

How can we stop the creep? The future of the church depends on it.

Reflecting on Fatherlessness

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes - 5x the average.
• 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from father homes - 20x the avg.
• 80% of rapist with anger problems come from fatherless homes - 14x the avg.
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes - 9x the avg.
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers com from fatherless homes - 10x the avg.
• 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes - 9x the avg.
• 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes - 20x the avg.

*taken from "To Own A Dragon"

Fathers make a difference...for good. Fatherlessness is a quiet killer wounding the souls of young men day after day. Who better to know than Don Miller, popular bohemian Christian author and himself the product of a fatherless home. Due to his mom's influence, his church and some other great men in his life Don has a good story to tell...and his recent book "To own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father" is chock full of fatherly wisdom bubbling up from a Son. I have a Dad and I am a Dad...but Don's witty, honest and sagely words taught me a thing or two.

Don writes in a conversational style and tells more stories and asks more questions than you typical self-help or Christian self-help read. The first chapter had me laughing out loud it was so funny! Whether you are wondering how to be father your son or are struggling to deal with issues related to your own imperfect father, this book will frame some questions that are helpful to consider. He's not afraid to open up his soul with statements like "I realized I was operating out of a feeling of inferiority. Deep inside, I believed life was for other people."

I liked his analogy on page 27, as he shared what he needed from a Father: People assume when you are swimming in a river you are supposed to kow which way you are going, and I guess some of the time that is true, but there are certain currents that are very strong, and it's when we are in those currents we need somebody to come along, pull us out, and guide us in a safer direction.

Manhood or what Miller refers to as "the knowing" is something deep within boys that is awakened by fathers. "The knowing" connects the dots for their identity, spirituality, decision making, work ethic, sexuality, integrity, etc. The good news, and Miller concurs, is that what our earthly fathers messed up our heavenly father can set right. Let's work on those statistics and call men to be fathers by being fathers.

Faith of our Fathers

This weekend I somehow found the way to read a delightful little book by Chris Seay called "Faith of our Fathers." The book was a creatively packaged conversation between three generations of pastors. Seay sat down with his grandfather, dad and his two brothers (one brother Robbie is an up and coming indie Christian rocker) to talk about the church, family and being pastors.

The church is definitely a-changin' and this book was a pretty good reflection of the changes in mindset and passion among the younger generation of church planters. This was a family discussion, as in they were actually related, but also in that they reflected how different generations of the church should and could discuss and disagree. You name it, they discussed it: music, depression, inerrancy, essentials of the faith, social justice, abortion, Jim Dobson, segregation, homosexuals, politics and the gospel.

They did not always agree, yet they agreed more than I thought they might. If you have ever disagreed with older Christians on their view of the church and it's role in society this book may help you to see them in a different light and to realize that disagreement and discussion are OK within the church.

Facing the Giants

This Friday, 9/29, a little known film "Facing the Giants" will be released in selected theatres around the country. It is a story about the football coach of a small private school who is known for losing and who finds out his wife is infertile and that some parents want him fired. He finds some way to inspire his team to turn around their ways and they find something within themselves to band together and make a run at the state playoffs. The twist is that the coach is a Christian. So despite the PG rating the film is explicitly Christian in content.

Here are some comments by Jason McLeod, who plays the role of Brock Kelley, the Eagles' defensive leader:

"When I look back on all the things that have come with the movie, whether it be pre-shooting, being on the set while filming, or the process that has taken place after shooting leading up to the premiere, it has just been an incredible journey. I have grown so much spiritually over the past two years and God has used FACING THE GIANTS in a major way."

"From connecting with Brock's character to watching God on and off set do things in His timing and make ends meet when there was no possible way. Going through some tough times and learning to 'Let Go and Let God' have His way in my life and knowing through my experience that He truly IS able to do exceedingly abundantly more that we could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20)! When this is all said and done, I don't want my face or name remembered, but what God did!"

The film appears to be quite family friendly, so it has that going for it. But how will it be received by film-goers. Will it's explicit Christian characters turn-them away before they hit the doors? Would you want to see this film? Would you take a friend who is not a Christian? Will this present the real struggles of life which give credibility to the struggle to follow Christ or will it be another candy-coated us-versus-them Christian product which becomes another reason people avoid church? I guess we'll find out this weekend. If you see it, I'd love your thoughts and those of your unchurched friends.

Prayer & Desire

"True prayer is only another name for the love of God. Its excellence does not consist in the multitude of our words: for our Father knoweth what things we have need of before we ask Him. The true prayer is that of the heart, and the heart prays only for what it desires. To pray, then, is to desire - but to desire what God would have us desire. He who asks what he does not from the bottom of his heart desire is mistaken in thinking that he prays. Let him spend days in reciting prayers, in mediation or in inciting himself to pious exercises: he prays not once truly if he really desires not the things he pretends to ask. O! How few there are who pray! For how few are they who desire what is truly good!"
Francois Fenelon, (1651-1715)

Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

You do not have, because you do not ask.
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly,
James 4:2-3