A Friend Like Dan

It was my freshman year in college. I had gone to a few of the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship meetings on my campus. But frankly I thought the group was filled with people who were below my own social status. I was too cool to jump into the group and call it “my group.” I toyed around with one of the guys Bible studies led by a guy named Dan. Dan was a nice guy but in my mind he typified the social status of the group. He was the type of guy you’d turn to for chemistry help, not the guy you’d hangout with on Friday Night.

But Dan did not seem to be intimidated by my “coolness” and he treated me with genuine kindness. Every so often he would stop by freshman dorm room to see how I was doing or to bring by some cookies. One time I returned to my freshman hall and all the guys were laughing at me because of Dan. I thought to myself, “Oh great, what did he do this time.”

They drug me to the answering machine and played a message which Dan had left. The message said something to the effect of “Hey Clay, wanted to see if you were interested in hanging out on Friday, we could play some games or bake a cake or something….” BAKE A CAKE, I thought….who says stuff like that. But that was just Dan. I didn’t consider Dan a close friend, until one day later in the semester.

It was during freshman rush. I was making what I believed to be one of the biggest decisions in my life…which fraternity should I join. I was really conflicted by the event and felt great pressure from a couple of fraternities to join their brotherhood. In the heat of the moment I joined one of the fraternities, and I immediately felt like I had made the wrong decision. I lost sleep…I couldn’t eat…I was extremely anxious. Part of my concern was based upon what little Christian values I actually had at the time.

I needed someone to talk to, but I didn’t know where to turn. The guys on my hall were part of the pressure to join the fraternal system and I didn’t know what to do. So in my desperation for release from the pressure that was building within me… I turned to Dan. I stopped by his dorm room and asked if I could talk. He dropped everything and just listened to me. I poured out my anxiety and some tears as I explained the weight of the pressure which I had been feeling. He did a little talking, but mostly listened and supported. I left his room with a strategy to correct the situation and a peace about the process and what I had to do to correct my situation.

I learned something about friendship that day. And I learned something about myself that day as well. I knew that I needed some people who shared my worldview who could speak wisdom into my life when I needed it. I also had my conception of “social status” crushed that day. I realized that what I shared with Dan, as a fellow servant of Christ, was much stronger than any external pretension of coolness or social status.

Proverbs says, “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense (Prov. 27:9).” Dan proved to be a true friend to me. His comfort and counsel were gifts that I came to cherish as I continued my journey in life. Not because my social status improved when I was around him, but because I needed a friend who could offer wise counsel. Everyone needs a friend like Dan.