There’s a stranger in my house

I was recently asked by someone, “What are the biggest issues that families are facing today.” I think that is a great question and I wish I had an equally great response, but I’m not sure I do. After some thought, I decided to attack the question in a way that is new for me.

In general I have tended to see the family as this safe institution in a protected home and that the biggest evils that it faces come from outside. Basically, evil is out there and it comes in and disrupts happy family in here. But I’m not so sure anymore. I think that the biggest problems that families face might actually originate inside the family members or the family system. On the outside… families might look fine… but their biggest challenge is that certain strangers (whether identified or not yet) are already in the house. So here’s my list in no particular order (And whether your family is just you or you and your spouse or it is full of kids, I think these apply):

1. sexual frustration: If a man is involved sex is an issue. He wants more of something for himself and that can screw him up whether he is single or married. If a woman is involved her frustration becomes the emotional side of intimacy or a desire to be sexually attractive.
2. loneliness: This can plague all people. Single folks long for someone to be physically present. Married families long for someone to be more emotionally present. Kids want more TIME from parents. Or we feel alone in a certain situation or struggle we face. We all fight some degree of loneliness.
3. rejection: No one likes to feel rejected by others especially in their own families. A single hates hearing no from someone they are interested in. Spouses fear rejection of their true selves so they don’t reveal their hearts. Kids feel reject by parents and parents fear that Johnny or Susie won’t love them if they don’t buy them everything they want.
4. busyness: Modern contraptions that were supposed to make life easier and get jobs done quicker so that we have more time for leisure have actually had the opposite effect. We are busier than ever which leads to too little together or down-time.
5. consumerism: We all fight the urge for more. We regularly spend money we don’t have to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like. After a while we even feel like we need these things and that we actually deserve them.
6. selfishness: Life is a movie about me right? I’ve got the leading role in every scene. This focus on ‘me” breaks down our ability the value of the “others” in our lives that is necessary for healthy and joyful living.
7. trust: Life begins to feel a little too much like Survivor. We fear being voted off the island and need alliances but aren’t sure who we can trust. We actually learn to mistrust people when experience teaches us that they will let us down. The results are a devastatingly insecure view of the world.

What strangers live in your house?